Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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