drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
