I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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