I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
