Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
