then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
