I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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