He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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