Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
