Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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