I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
