yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
