He is like the real live version of the state fair..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
