hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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