i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
