i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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