my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
