yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
