wrigley field is MILF paradise
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
