If i come over, it means nothing
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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