so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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