Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
