so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
