dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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