Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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