I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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