dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
