I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
