can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
