I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And then my night got REAL pukey
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
