she woke up with a sticky ear
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
