after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
