please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
