We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
