There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
whose parrot is this?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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