and my herpes radar will keep us safe
why do cheetos always look like penises
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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