Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
