Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i need some magic done to my vagina
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
