I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
