I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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