Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
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