I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
