do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
