I feel great
I just peed on a car
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
