The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
