My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
