Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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