oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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