i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
