I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
did i just pee glitter
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
