I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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